If I Loved You
by alwayssoinlove
Summary: Set late season 3/early season 4. Josh leaves Kate at the altar. Prompt from castlefanficprompts.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. Sadly.**

**Prompt from castlefanficprompts**

**Assume this is early season 4 and Kate never got shot.**

* * *

Richard Castle cannot believe that he is sitting in the pews at Kate Beckett's wedding. He can't believe that he's not waiting at the altar for her, and he can't believe that he would subject himself to the torture of watching her marry Josh Davidson.

Despite his hurt at hearing of their engagement, he didn't leave her like he did the last time he was jealous. Having Kate as a friend was better than not having her at all. So here he is, waiting for her to walk down the aisle, past him, and into the arms of another man.

Josh doesn't look nearly as excited as he should be.

The bridesmaids and groomsmen make their way down the aisle while he stares at the floor, only rousing when everyone around him stands up.

She's gorgeous. Absolutely breathtaking. He wants to cry.

Her father is smiling like a loon as Kate nudges him with her elbow. He's shocked when she locks eyes with him, offering him a small smile before she turns toward the man she will spend the rest of her life with. Her one and done.

Or so he thought.

Halfway through the vows, Josh takes his hands from hers, places them on her shoulders in what is probably meant to be consoling, and says, "I'm sorry."

And then he walks away, down the aisle and out the door.

Castle feels terrible sadness mixed with more relief than he's willing to let on. Once he gets a glimpse of her face though, any thoughts of triumph are rapidly quelled.

Her eyes are wide and her mouth hangs agape as she turns toward the direction Josh went. She looks confused and embarrassed and a multitude of other things she should not be feeling on her wedding day.

If he ever sees Josh again, he will not hesitate to kick his ass.

The guests have their own looks of horror. Lanie is starting to tear up, Espo and Ryan look ready to follow Josh with their service pieces, and her father looks like Castle feels: heartbroken, but only a little relieved. He doesn't have time to think about it as she says "Sorry" to the general population and bolts.

He does what he always does. He follows her.

* * *

He makes his way to her dressing room in time to see her fall into a chair with her head in her hands.

"Kate, God…" he trails off. No words seem adequate.

"I should have seen this coming," she rasped, her voice breaking in a way that made him want to cry.

"No, Kate. Trust me, anyone in their right mind would have stayed at that altar."

"But it was never gonna work, was it? It never would have worked." Her breathing was getting heavier as tears started to run down her face. He pulled her to him, her face in the crook of his neck and the white fabric of her dress underneath his fingers.

"I'm so sorry, Kate. So sorry."

She nods quickly against his shoulder as she gets up and moves away, fumbling at the back of her dress, which is closed with a long row of pearly buttons.

"I need to get out of this dress," she murmurs, her distress increasing as her fingers grope blindly at the tiny clasps. Her trembling touch turns to an angry clawing and she bites her lip to keep from breaking down like she wants to.

"Let me help you." He starts at the top and pushes each button out of its circle of thread. He can feel her anxiety growing.

"Just rip it, Castle. I just want it _off._"

"But-"

"I don't care what happens to it, just get it off. _Please_ just get it off."

The sound of her whimpering is cut off by the clatter of all the buttons dropping to the floor. He wraps her in the cardigan resting on the chair beside him and pulls her close as she waits for the tears to subside.

"I don't want to go back out there," she whispers.

"You don't have to."

"You know I do."

"You really don't. Lanie will handle it, and everyone will understand."

She's quiet while he strokes her hair. She leans against him, finally breathing steadily.

"Why wouldn't he just tell me?" she whispers.

He presses a kiss to her hair. "I don't know." He wishes he did.

They stand in silence for what feels like hours. He would have thought she was asleep if not for her sudden whisper of "Come to France with me."

"What?" he asks, peering to look at her.

"I still have a honeymoon to go on. Paris, France. I have the tickets here with me. Let's go."

"Kate…"

"I don't wanna waste it. And I don't wanna go by myself. And my dad or Lanie would just look at me like… I just want to feel normal."

He smiles down at her. "Let's go."

* * *

**Author's Note: This is different from what I usually write, but I wanted to give it a go. I was planning on continuing, unless it's good as is? Or if it sucks you can tell me. Ha. If you want it continued, I'm open to ideas. I can't write smut to save my life, though. Reviews are lovely, and I really appreciate your input! Thanks for reading!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I do not own Castle at all. Not in the slightest.**

* * *

As he sits on a plane to Paris with Kate Beckett asleep on his shoulder, he is very glad that he decided to come to her wedding.

While it was a miracle that he mustered the resolve to go, it was an even bigger miracle that Josh mustered the resolve to leave. (He can't imagine that it's easy to leave the woman sitting next to him.)

He doesn't like calling it a miracle. Yes, he's very glad that the love of his life isn't married to someone else right now, but she's obviously heartbroken. She knew it wouldn't work and she only married him because she couldn't see a reason why she shouldn't, but she still got left at the altar. In front of all her friends and family. Her colleagues. And despite his hatred for Josh, he loves her beyond reason and he just wants her to be happy. And she isn't.

She really wanted her first wedding to be her last. And it likely won't be.

Because he's finally gonna man up and_ do something _instead of being a coward who leaves her alone for a whole summer because he was jealous. He wants her. He loves her. And with luck, their wedding will be the last one that either of them has.

He's getting ahead of himself. Luckily, his thoughts are interrupted by her stirring beside him.

They'd left in a hurry. She had luggage packed already and she insisted that he go to the loft and pack and that he didn't need to hurry, because she's_ fine_ and their flight doesn't leave for a couple more hours. But he ran around the loft like a mad man, chucking random things into his suitcase because even though he was still feeling distraught for her, he was starting to get _excited._

Kate seems to evoke that feeling quite often. Excitement.

They had time to sit in the airport, so they sipped coffee while he spun elaborate stories about the people walking by. She was laughing and contributing and he felt like the luckiest person in the world whenever he saw her smile.

Now, as she raises her head from his shoulder and looks at him sleepily with a tight turn of her lips, he falls in love with her all over again.

* * *

They drank on the plane.

They drank more than they probably should have.

By the time they make it to the hotel, they are buzzed enough that neither of them registers that they are staying in a room meant for newlyweds on their honeymoon.

There are roses. There's champagne. There's only one bed.

They fall into it together, still laughing about something he can't really remember, and stare up at the ceiling.

When their laughter fades, he looks over at her. The light from the Eiffel Tower and the general glow from the city shine in from the window and paint her in golden light. He can see the red of her cheeks and the gold in her eyes and he thinks that she looks more beautiful here than she ever will in a wedding dress.

She's soft and warm from the alcohol, instead of the rigid detective that he sees every day. The excitement that seems to constantly thrum inside him is gone. She's not impulsively inviting him to Paris. She's not taking down bad guys in high heels like some kind of goddess. She's lying in bed with him and smiling and the excitement is replaced with calm contentment. He could do without the excitement. As long as he can stay here for the rest of his life.

She turns on her side and grasps his hand with both of hers and presses them to her chest.

"Thank you," she whispers.

He doesn't know if it's the warmth of her hands or the warmth of her gaze or the way she says those two words in a way he's never heard before, but something causes his insides to scream _kiss her, you idiot._

So he does.

It's gentle and lighter than air. Not as much as he wants, but way more than he needs. Her lips are soft and warm just like her, and it's slow and quiet and every part of him revels in the perfection of it all; the calm that has risen from the chaos.

They break apart and stare at each other with new found courage and love that has been there from the beginning.

There's more to think about. There's more to fix. But for now, they go to sleep in each other's arms, and that's enough.

* * *

**Author's Note: WOW I AM SO SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG. I wrote this really fast because I really wanted to give you guys an update and this is the first night that I've had time. Phew. I don't have a beta, so all mistakes are mine. I'm about to get all neurotic with explaining details and stuff, so beware.**

**Some people have expressed concern over how Castle gets a ticket and stuff. I'm gonna come right out and say that I'm pretending that worked itself out. I wrote this in a perfect world where all the travel stuff is easy and no one is mad at each other because of friendship and the truest of true loves? I don't know. I've never been in this situation, so I don't know the technicalities. I just know that Rachel and Ross were gonna go on the honeymoon in Friends, and Carrie brought all her friends with her on her honeymoon in Sex in the City. That is all my knowledge of this particular situation.**

** I love constructive criticism very much, and all of your sweet reviews put a huge smile on my face. Thanks for reading!**


End file.
